I could have died in November 2016 because my reproductive system was outraged. I felt like my reproductive organs hated me on that day. I felt (and still do) that I must’ve done something horribly wrong to deserve what happened to me over those two horrifying days in early November.
My period started like any other: cramping, back pain, headache and moodiness. At 32, I had been feeling like this since I was 11 years old, I should be used to it by now, right? Not exactly—ever since I started my period, it was always a problem, a hassle, an inconvenience riddled with embarrassment over leaked pads or tampons, a blackout episode in high school, inability to get out of bed, off the couch, and to work due to severe pain. This happened on and off for the last 11 years, some months it would be okay to have a period and others, I was blindsided.
This was one of those periods. I had been having more severe periods in the last few months especially after getting off of the birth control shot. The hope and dream was to start a family with my husband—we awaited the positive pregnancy test time and time again. It never happened in the two years we diligently tried.
I felt like it was going to be a bad period day. My back was in severe pain and every time I got up from a seated position, blood came rushing out. EVERY TIME. Every 30 minutes or one hour, I was changing a pad. Something wasn’t right, I felt like I was having contractions. Could I be having a miscarriage? I waited it out for quite awhile, I tried to be strong. Then I felt the need to pass out and it was strong. I looked at myself in the mirror, I was pale as a white sheet of printer paper. I finally gave in and called my husband to take me to the ER. I was terrified for two reasons: I was losing a lot of blood and quickly. I held off as long as I could because we had no insurance.
I immediately got into a room with a nurse, she looked very concerned but still asked me questions like, “Could you be pregnant?”
“I don’t know, it’s possible.”
“What is your pain level like from a scale of 1-10?”
“20.”
“Do you feel loved and safe with your partner?”
“Yes.”
She put on a hospital admittance bracelet and I got into a wheelchair because I couldn’t stand on my own two feet. I got asked lots of questions by a doctor. I got pain killers stronger than morphine. They put me on fluids immediately, I kept losing blood. I probably nearly fainted a dozen times while in that room. They had me pee in a cup to test for pregnancy, 90% of it was blood. I was wheeled into a ultrasound room where they were going to examine me to see what could be the cause of my extreme bleeding.
Results for pregnancy test: negative. Results for ultrasound: nothing extraordinary. They said I could leave if I could stand on my two feet without feeling faint. I did not pass that test. I got transported out of the ER to a second floor hospital room and then was told, “You need blood as soon as possible. Your blood results state that you’ve lost more than half of your blood.” My nurses and doctor from the ER visited me, checked on me and wanted to make sure I was doing ok. I got two bags of blood that night, I slept alone for the first time in a very long time. I was scared about my future, I was scared that this is what my life would become.
An OB/GYN was called into my room while I was in the ER. He asked all sorts of questions, took note of my history and made sure I felt ok enough to talk to him. He checked on me multiple times over the next couple of days. He prescribed me iron and birth control. I was hesitant to go back on birth control because I thought my hope for pregnancy was going to end right then and there. He reassured me that wasn’t the case, he said birth control would help me within a few days and then months to regulate my hormones and bleeding. He wanted to make sure I was going to follow up in a few months so we could put a plan together for becoming pregnant. He gave me hope.
Here I am, three months later, alive. My periods are better controlled; I feel like I can handle what is coming every month. I have put an action plan together with my OB/GYN that is going to answer a lot of questions I have had for the last 11 years.
Without birth control, without the Affordable Care Act, I could very well not be alive today. While it is uncertain whether or not I may be able to have biological children, I am certain that I now have hope, that I will have answers, that I have a team of doctors and nurses that have my health in mind. Birth control saved my life.
Now, my fear is not being able to access the health care that saved my life because of the continued attacks on the ACA. My fear is I will not get answers about my health because I will be “cut off” from something every human being should have access to. My fear is that my life is in the hands of politicians who do not understand the vital importance that birth control and other reproductive health services is to thousands and thousands of people. I will fight for my rights and those of others. I will let my voice be heard. I may be fearful but I will not give up my Voice of Courage.
