The first time I realized I was pregnant, I was 16 years old; someone told me I looked as though I was pregnant. I laughed it off, although I noticed that I hadn’t had a period in months. I had just left my parents’ house, an abusive home, with the clothes on my back and my boyfriend by my side.

By the time I found out I was pregnant, I was 23 weeks along. I felt awful. I was so detached from my body from years of both sexual and physical abuse that I had learned how to disconnect. I had disconnected so much that I didn’t realize another life was growing inside me. I ignored the nausea, the missed periods, and the weight gain. I felt terrible: how could I have done this to myself and my unborn child?

At that point, I had had no prenatal care was using drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes to numb the pain. My “baby” was very sick. My first love and I were devastated. We loved each other so much and what we shared. However, ending the pregnancy was unavoidable. My only solace was that we were able to donate our baby’s cells to HIV research. I was too young, ill-equipped, disconnected, and felt ashamed, but my partner and I made the decision that we needed to at the time. I cried for months, it was so difficult.

Yet, with the grace of G*d, I forgave myself, moved on, and gave birth later on to a beautiful baby girl, who just turned thirteen years old. I had her on my terms, and even though I ended up raising her on my own because her father was an alcoholic, she is a loving, brilliant little girl.

Life is pretty messy. I did the best I could with what I had at the time. I am not pro-abortion by any means; however, I do not feel that anyone has the right to tell me what I can or cannot do with my body. This is my health and my body, my situation.

I did not have family that could support me. I have been on my own for most of my life. I worked hard, built a business, got through grad school and beat the odds, but it was not easy at all. I only wish that people could empathize and understand that this is not a light-hearted decision, but one that many women will have to make for themselves. We need protection for our reproductive rights. I would hate for any women to be forced into a backroom because they are not allowed access to safe places for them to have these procedures done. Abortions are never going away, but access to care could if we do not take a stand. So, here I am taking a stand as a woman who has been through this. I had the courage to choose and I am a better woman for my choice.