In my first pregnancy, which was planned and very wanted, several brain abnormalities were detected at 22 weeks. However, even after extensive testing including a DNA microarray, no diagnosis could be made. The doctors estimated there was a 70% chance my baby would be fine or have only minor developmental delays. They offered us the option of terminating the pregnancy, but we decided the odds of a good outcome were high enough to take the risk, knowing that if we got a worse diagnosis we’d be past the deadline for termination in Michigan.

At 28 weeks, they made a diagnosis of lissencephaly, which means “smooth brain” and occurs when the cortex does not fold correctly. It comes with a life expectancy of two to six years with severe seizures and very limited cognitive development.

We were told we would be lucky if our baby could track motion with her eyes and smile socially, and that she’d have trouble swallowing and breathing and never be able to communicate or control her body or limbs. She might need a feeding tube and respirator, and would likely suffer from choking episodes and frequent respiratory infection.

We had to choose between a short, painful life or peace, and we chose the latter.

 

We traveled to Colorado for the abortion. I believe we made the most compassionate and loving choice we could for our baby, but the grief was initially overwhelming. I found support in the online support group Ending a Wanted Pregnancy and an in-person pregnancy loss groups in my town. It was a terrible choice to have to make, but I’m eternally grateful that I had access to a safe abortion.