I have had two pregnancies.

My first pregnancy resulted in what some call pregnancy denial or cryptic pregnancy, which I had never heard of. I did not know I was pregnant until about the fifth month. I was 39 years old at the time. Even a blood test came back false negative after my sister insisted that my indigestion was not tummy troubles but pregnancy. She knew because she had two children already, and feeling my belly she recognized the hardness as definitely something else. I never really knew how far along I was in the pregnancy and I felt so silly. Luckily I had prenatal care visits and my pregnancy was otherwise uncomplicated, as was the birth. My baby was not premature and came in at a hefty 8 lbs 14 oz.

The second pregnancy was an early miscarriage, which was the result of an undiagnosed pregnancy at around 12 weeks. I want more people (of all gender persuasions) to know that early pregnancy miscarriages are not that uncommon (between 10% and 25%).

I want more people (of all gender persuasions) to know that early pregnancy miscarriages are not that uncommon (between 10% and 25%).

Unfortunately, many people believe that pregnancies are hardly ever terminated except by interferences.Most pregnancies end due to congenital anomalies or genetics, not human intervention or carelessness. Women suffer so much guilt and are often blamed for problems in pregnancy. The book What to Expect When You’re Expecting is full of warnings which produce untold anxiety over not being attentive enough or perfect enough to be a good mother. 

So when I had a miscarriage when my first child was about two years old, it was very early and, again, I had no idea I was even pregnant. I suddenly felt very nauseous and went to the bathroom. I had what I thought was a very sudden, very heavy period. I didn’t have bleeding prior to or after this, yet my sisters-in-law insisted that it was just a period even though I was then, and had been for years before the birth of my first child, amenorrheic. It was only later in my early forties that I had regular periods for the first time in my life since starting menstruation at 14.

The point of this story is that women vary, and yet we have a cultural norm of what women’s health looks like.

The point of this story is that women vary, and yet we have a cultural norm of what women’s health looks like. We especially have a rather rigid assumption of what pregnancy is supposed to be like, and when a woman’s experience doesn’t match up, then it is all too easy in unlucky circumstances for women to be labeled crazy or lax or stupid. Women do not choose what their body is genetically predisposed to do in pregnancy, and each pregnancy can be very different even in a single individual’s experience. It would very be much better if women understood that the normative ideals and experiences of anomalies in pregnancy are not the only ways that it is possible to have both healthy and unhealthy outcomes.

I appreciate the people who are providing avenues in the Voices of Courage project for women to talk about the unique and various ways that health impacts the possibilities they have to strive for better health outcomes for every woman. This is important work that has gone undone for decades and decades since modern medicine began to impact women’s health for good and ill. Thank you for creating this project and allowing the path to open up for me to tell my story. This is a rare opportunity. Thanks again.