After my ex-husband and I divorced, I was faced with a great deal of leftover trauma. He had frequently raped me during the course of our marriage, and I did not know if he had been faithful during the time that we had been together. I had a fear that I might have contracted an STI from him, but I had developed PTSD and had not visited a physician in over three years, not even for a regular exam.

I began seeing a transgender man later after my divorce; it was the first healthy relationship I’d had in at least two decades. He was supportive and gentle and kind. But I was afraid that I might pass an STI to him and I knew I had to get tested. Plus, I hadn’t had a pap smear in three years, and I had an expired IUD still inside of me. I tried to visit my local OB/GYN, and the visit was traumatizing. I explained my past trauma to her, and that I was scared of being undressed, but she was callous and indifferent.

When I asked about STI testing she wanted to know if my current partner was male or female. I said he was transgender, and so she marked down on my paperwork that I needed the testing because I was engaging in “high risk homosexual activity,” and not because I had been raped by my ex-husband who had likely been unfaithful. I tried to explain to her that I wasn’t even sexually active with my current partner and that I hadn’t understood her question. She sent me out the door with a piece of paper marking me as a “high risk homosexual.”

I remember wondering how my activity was high risk if I wasn’t even having sex? And moreover, why had she dismissed my rape? Why had she treated me so cruelly? I was in therapy at the time because of my PTSD, and my therapist suggested that I not return to get the STI tests at that clinic because of the treatment, that instead I go to Planned Parenthood, because I could get the same tests, and she believed I would be treated better.

I was hesitant, but I went. I was ushered in by a quiet nurse who seemed to sense my apprehension. She spoke to me in quiet tones. Asked me a few questions and when I broke down in tears she didn’t flinch but was empathetic. She did the tests without judging me. And when the (thankfully negative) results came back, she delivered them with compassion and kindness. The question of my sexual orientation was never a subject that became an issue. Though she could do nothing about the fact that I had been raped, she treated me with gentleness.

I should have been able to get that same care from my hometown OB/GYN, but I wasn’t able to because my OB let her religious beliefs interfere with her ability to effectively practice medicine, and as a result she mistreated me. Planned Parenthood, on the other hand, treated me like a human being. I will never forget that.