I am writing today because there is an issue that has come up in this election and coincided with a dramatic personal event in my life. I am a 38 year old, married mom with two kids, ages five and three. Last year we anticipated welcoming a fifth member to our family, but sadly, my pregnancy ended in a miscarriage early in 2016. We were lucky enough to get pregnant again and were even more excited to meet our “rainbow baby” (a term referring to a child born after a loss). Of course, I was anxious with each appointment, hoping to see baby’s heartbeat strong and clear, and for many weeks, that’s what we saw. Then around 11 weeks gestation, because I am of “advanced maternal age” (any mom over 35 is considered as such), I was offered some additional screening for our baby to look for chromosomal abnormalities and ultrasound images looking for markers for these rare chromosomal abnormalities.
Sadly, we learned through this diagnostic testing at 12 weeks gestation, our very wanted baby would be born with an extra 21 chromosome and would likely have heart defects, and abdominal problems, requiring surgery shortly after birth, or multiple surgeries throughout his or her life. We pursued further CVS (chorionic villus sampling) testing to confirm this genetic information. While we waited for the results of this more invasive testing, the genetic counselors were amazing sources of information. We learned we could wait until 20 weeks at the anatomy ultrasound to see the severity of heart and abdomen defects which could prepare us for how much surgery would be needed. I discovered the spectrum of needs a new human with Down syndrome has; for example no sucking reflex, heart defects requiring surgeries sometimes over a lifetime, abdominal surgeries, early onset dementia, the mental and cognitive spectrum of kids that are non verbal. We would not know the cognitive disability spectrum until developmental milestones for language, etc. would be hit or missed, and we would not know the physical disabilities until the 20 week anatomy ultrasound – at the earliest – and sometimes even then, they can’t make accurate predictions without further testing by perinatal cardiovascular experts.
Thinking about our family as a whole, we chose to terminate our much wanted and loved baby on August 31, 2016. It was the hardest decision my husband and I ever made.
Thinking about our family as a whole, we chose to terminate our much wanted and loved baby on August 31, 2016. It was the hardest decision my husband and I ever made.
As a human in the world, I believe in working on a space within yourself to explore limitless loving kindness. What I chose was the most loving choice I could have made for not just myself, but for our entire family, and I believe, for the baby I loved and carried for 13 weeks. The law in Illinois would have given me until 24 weeks to make this choice, and I am so thankful for that. I could have waited for the 20 week anatomy scan and then decided. Other women in close neighboring states don’t have the law on their side. States all over the country are trying to cut back our right to make health care choices for our own bodies without giving us the information we need to make those choices. I point to the Ohio (and others) “Heartbeat Bill” as one of many examples.
I am hoping that within this new administration our elected representation will advocate for my and all American women’s right to choose.
I am hoping that within this new administration our elected representation will advocate for my and all American women’s right to choose. I am hoping they will stand with women, and fight for our bodies and our minds to trust that we are capable of making the hardest decisions with care and loving kindness. I am hoping they will act in defiance of the so-called “Gag Rule” and advocate for women’s rights all over the planet. I am hoping they will stand with Planned Parenthood. I am hoping they will act on our behalf and thankful for those that came before me to fight for so many of us that never knew we’d have to choose, until we did.
